As life becomes more stressful, many couples tend to drift apart. One of the major issues of concern, following a divorce, is the impact and implications it has for the children.
A report from the Children’s Psychiatric Hospital in Michigan shows that among the children of parents involved in a divorce
- More than 60% fall prey to anxiety and other stress related disorders common in children, like moodiness and depression.
- More than 40% of the children studied were likely to develop aggression in attitude
- More than 55% fall in academic performance and are in need for emotional and academic counseling
Another startling and distressing impact of divorce is that children of all ages are affected by it. Even infants are known to become more stressful and show signs of irritability when the parents’ separation becomes a reality. Toddlers can sense the differences of opinion, and the general atmosphere of hostility in a divorce situation. They cry more and hold on to parents even more. Post divorce, a child will miss one of his parents (usually the father) and hanker for his company.
As for teenagers, they become even more stressed as they can sharply assess the implications of their parents separating. Their distress can lead to harmful consequences. While some children may turn to drugs and alcohol for solace, others may become intensely depressed.
Children of all ages, therefore, need strong and positive motivation form both or either parent to face the situation bravely and understand why the separation is inevitable. Whatever may be the difference of opinion or hostility between the parents, they have to help children realize ground realities and interact with each another in an amicable manner. Children should feel secure, reasonable happy and get on with life with a positive attitude, after a divorce. This should be a significant priority for parents contemplating a separation.
Being honest about what is coming and asking children what they feel about the separation is a positive step in the direction of the child’s emotional well being. Children will usually express the following sentiments
- Please don’t fight; I feel unhappy
- I feel so insecure when you complain about the other parent to me - because
- I love you both equally
- I don’t want to spend lots of time with one parent and too little with the other
A very important aspect of helping children cope with divorce is to reassure them about the routine of their lives. Parents should be able to provide children the confidence that their life will remain largely unchanged, except that they would see less of a parent. Whenever children meet the other parent, plans for spending quality time with them is very essential, so that they can always look back and look forward to happy times with both parents, even if they are not together.
Blurb: Divorce is a distressing process for both partners and more so for their children. Children of all ages feel stressed and express their dismay and sorrow in different ways. It is important to reassure the children that their life would remain basically unchanged and also ensure that they are able to spend quality time with both parents.